epizoodiks...: July 2006

......she's my kitty kat. Dummy me doesn't have a picture of her scanned, but she looks just like my avatar... I had to leave her at the vet today - they found a heart murmur, kidney failure, arthritis and a thoracic mass that may or may not be a tumor. I'm a mess. I've had Charlotte 17 years, yeah it's a long time, and she's seen me through a LOT LOT LOT of hard times, and has never had to spend a night away from home. I'm a mess. I don't have kids, but I can imagine what it must feel like.

Truthfully, charlotte is my truest friend, she's so intuitive, and is more a mother to me. She takes care of me more than I do her! She knows when I'm sad, she knows when I need a hug, she's always there with a purr when I've had a bad day.

Milan Kundera wrote that the love between a human and pet is the perfect love because they only ask that you love them back, they never make insane demands. They only give give give. Charlotte is so like that. She's a Havana Brown, a black cat, and has never brought me anything but good luck. The French have a saying that people who take in black cats are blessed. I don't know about that, but I thought it was a cool story when an old boss I worked for (a cat lover) told me this so many years ago.

I've been trying to prepare myself for this for a while, but seriously I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I'm hoping they'll let me bring her home tomorrow and I can make her comfortable. she's so great, the perfect pet, a wonderful friend, a true member of our family. What does oprah always say about her dogs? They're her children with fur, well that's what Charlotte is to me, except she mothers me more than anything I love her so much.

I mean I'm 39, and I've had her since I was 22. This is so weird and I'm not ready and I love her and I'm so sad and worried right now, seriously, like my own child was in the ICU or something. I hope you guys understand my ramblings but I'm just so sick with worry. Please send prayers if you think about it. I just think of her in that cage so scared because she doesn't know where she is or why her mommy and daddy left her there and it just eats me up inside. I'm praying like crazy that they'll let me bring her home tomorrow.

thanks for listening guys, I love you all and hope this finds you happy and well. Big love.